He's a man you must believe Helping anyone in need

Recently, I have been forced to really think a lot about the future. What high school you go to can determine the college you go to which can shape the job and life you end up with. And I was really thinking, what do I want o be when I grow up? When people ask, I often tell them I want to be a flying, fire breathing purple dragon, but somehow, I have the feeling that that might just not work out.

So what do I really want to do? Who do I want to be when I grow up? I;m not so sure, which is just fine for a teenager. But I do know something: Whatever it is I want to be, I want to make an impact, I want to make a difference in the world. I want to make people's lives better, make them smile, bring them justice. I want to make a difference, but not really one where it's like me on tv, being famous, a difference as in the world knows who I am. I don't mind if my difference is fairly nameless, as long as it really does change something. I'm not sure what I'm getting at, or how to phrase it. Even if it's only one person's life, I want to be able to make it better. What I want is to make a really profound difference in someone's life, hopefully the world. Sitting in a cubicle office job transcribing papers doesn't cut it for me. I mean, I know the people in that position (or most of them) don't want to be where they are, and don't have much of a better option, but I don't even want to get there in the first place.

I'm thinking maybe I'll be a lawyer. I come from a family of lawyers, and I'm pretty logical, and like to argue, and I don't know, I could be making history, you know? But I don't want to be the "stereotypical" lawyer, corrupt and putting the wrong people in jail and then spending the rest of my days playing golf. No, I was thinking maybe something not-for-profit, where I could help people's live, give them the justice they deserve but can't get otherwise. Like making sure that special ed students get an equal opportunity in schools, or helping to get gay equality like marriage, or something like that. Getting women in Africa the education, healthcare, treatment they deserve. Getting that everywhere. To know that I had made someone's life that much better, would make me so happy. It would motivate me.

So, that's it. I want to help the world, I want to DO something. Hey, maybe not even when I grow up! Maybe even now! Or one day soon...

Title Quote: The Beatles, Doctor Robert

Once we set sail to catch a star

I just wanted to wish everyone a HAPPY TURKEY DAY!

(disclaimer:In no way, shape, or form, does this mean that I, Lola Bellybutton, endorses hurting any turkey of any kind. I am simply stating that it is the day of turkeys. And, frankly, I'm sick, and don't feel up to ranting cynically about how thanksgiving is bogus etc. etc., and i'm sure you've heard it before. So instead, just celebrate TURKEY DAY. And hey, why not even hug one? Find a nice, happy turkey, and hug him. And then take him home for dinner. You can share your opinions about the world over a nice steaming hot plate of tofurky. Enjoy!)

Title Quote: Cream, Deserted Cities of the Heart

just sitting here and trying to decipher what's written in Braille upon my skin

I was rummaging around in my documents folder on my laptop trying to get rid of stuff I don't need anymore (The Wizardress informs me that this is a form of OCD) and I found this old monologue I wrote last year about this 6 year old girl who... well, I'll let you read it it to find out.

So today, I was walking down Oak Avenue, and I met someone. He was this old guy, you know, the one we always see when you take me to school? Well, today he stopped me and asked me why I wasn't in school, and so I told him how it was spring break, and it was raining. I told him that I was going puddle stomping, because all the rain makes all the puddles. He said his name was Oliver, and I told him mine was Marisa, and I was six years old, so I was old enough to go puddle-stomping alone! But he said he wanted to come along, even if I was old enough to go all by myself. He said he could help me find new stomping puddles. So we, the two of us, went walking. Oliver was so nice, he gave me a big red lollipop, because, he said, we were friends. Oliver is my best friend! I was about to eat it when we saw a super huge puddle! So I put the big red lollipop in my pocket, the one you sewed on my dress, and I went and stomped a huge stomp in the middle of the puddle. It was so much fun! Then all of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a rat! Or I thought I saw a rat. But really, it was a cat. A kittycat, and she was so wet and shivery she looked like a rat! So I ran off to catch her so I could cuddle her all better. Oliver was the one who caught her though, and he said I could keep her. So then we started walking again, this time with kitty. Oliver said he lived close by, and we could go home to his house and he would give me some more candy and some nice, hot chocolate. He said he would give kitty some milk too. But, oh, no, then kitty jumped right out of my arms and scratched poor Oliver! He said all these words and then his face got really red and his face was really purple! It was really funny! So I started laughing, and I guess Oliver thought it was funny too, because he started laughing too, and his eyes bulged out so I could see all the white parts. He said I was trying to demean him. "Are you trying to demean me, huh?" He said, over and over, and he just kept laughing, I did too. I don't know what demean means, but it must have been very nice because he was smiling very widely at me. And then he started started walking to me, and I thought he wanted a hug. because we were friends, and kitty had given him a boo-boo. And so I gave him a hug and he picked me up and squeezed me really hard and he was still laughing and his spit got on me. And then I heard this boy. He was shouting at Oliver! He was a big boy, and he looked funny 'cause his hat was on backwards and his pants kept falling down really low. Then Oliver saw the big boy and dropped me and started running. It hurt a little, but I guess he had someplace to be that he was late for. it's too bad he couldn't show me his house, and we would have played more, but maybe I'll see him next time I go puddle stomping.

So then the big boy came over to me and he took my hand and asked where my Mommy and Daddy were, and when I told him you guys were working and I was old enough to go puddle stomping alone, he smiled really wide too, just like Oliver, except different, and said he had a present for me. He said he knew where magical fairy land was, and that I was the only little girl in the whole world who could go inside it. He said that once I went there, I would be a fairy princess! He took me to this shiny silver car and told me that to get to the magical fairy land, first I had to play a game. He said I had to play hide and seek in the car, so all the fairies couldn't stop us from going to their land, so I got in the car and hid all the way in the backety back, where you put the suitcases. I curled myself into a little ball like a snail. The car ride was bumpety. But then, we got there! Or really, we stopped, and I kept all curled up because I was worried the fairies would find me, but then the big boy came out and told me the car had broken and then he heard a police car. It had lights and the police car noise, and the big boy got very scared. He told me to hide in the bushes from the fairies, and so I did, but after a while, the fairies hadn't found me and I was hungry.

So I thought I could stop hiding, and I tried to find the big boy or Oliver again, but I couldn't so I decided to go home. Too bad kitty couldn't have been there, but she ran away when I went in the car. Anyway, I walked a really long time, and my feet hurt, so I decided to climb a tree to see where home was, but when I got way up, a doggy came and started barking and he was a scary doggy, and he was drooling and there was white spit all around his mouth, so I stayed up in the tree. But I'm sure he was a very nice doggy. I just didn't really want to go down just then. But finally he left and I went back down the tree and I kept walking until my feet hurt so much, but finally I got home! And then I saw you, And I told you all about my day! And, oh, I forgot! I still have the lollipop that Oliver gave me! Mommy, why are you screaming? I want my lollipop back!

Title Quote: Regina Spektor, Braille

I felt a little fear upon my back He said "Don't look back, just keep on walking."

So last weekend, I got some henna done. I know, not the coolest thing in the world, but still. I really appreciate art, and I never cease to be amazed at this certain art form, being able to literally wear intricate art designs on your hand/ body, watch it move and twist as you. Tattoos, too, but these are better, Especially since it is something sort of in a way much more common yet much more rare, as it is freehand, and can only really be done once, yet stays on for only a few weeks, and then vanishes with the rest of your old skin particles rubbed off. Here are some pictures of my current one (sorry for the bad lighting!)
The woman who did was from Pakistan, and had been doing her job for about 5 years. She asked me where I was from, and though all I said was New York, she kept on persisting,asking where my parents were from (new york). She must have though I was Pakistani or Indian. Which is very funny, since I'm kind of the opposite (eastern european jew). She was surprised at the fact I was even carrying on a conversation with her, and then she became pretty astonished when I talked about Henna so knowledgeably. I guess most of the people she does are ignorant americans, but I know a fair amount about it, having just done a school project on it and having done at home myself a few times. I encourage you to try some henna; if you haven't already. Each time you look at it, you smile, a little painting on your skin. It can go anywhere on your body, and, like I said, lasts a few weeks. If you want it to look the way mine does, go somewhere professional. It doesn't hurt in the least. They basically jsut paint a stain on you. If you want to do something yourself, just find a place near you that sells henna or order it online (it comes in dried green powder form) and then mix it with some water, something acidic (lemon juice works best) and essential oils, adding parts until you get the right mixture, smooth and thick, but not too thick to be unable to paint, and not runny so it pools everywhere. Then put it in a squeeze bottle, or, for better accuracy, a cone (you can buy these where you bought the henna) and draw! Wait for it to dry, about 30 mins, then wait a few hours longer before rubbing it off, revealing a stain beneath. The longer you keep it onl teh darker it gets.

Have fun!

love,

Lola

Title Quote: KT Tunstall, Black Horse and a Cherry Tree

But has he run to you In those shoes in the rain?

I am water person. I mean, zodiacally, I believe I'm an Earth sign, but though I am close to the Earth, I am water. I love how when you're underwater, feeling intensifies. You can't hear much--and if you keep your eyes closed, see much either, so it's just feeling the water push you and flow you and I just feel so graceful. Like, I know it sounds silly, but like a mermaid, you know? And I feel that too on the ice. I love to skate. Not that I'm very good, nor that I want to be some ballerina figure skater, but when I get on the ice, I start gliding around and faster, and fast, and I'm swaying from side to side and I feel the wind rush through my hair and my feet aren't lifting from the ice, and and and...

I get a feeling as though, if there weren't people, and city, and lights, and cars, and just ice, and more ice, just stretching out like a path, I would just skate and skate and skate and glide along while the trees sing to me, "Lola, Lola." And I would be full of grace. I'm not very graceful on land, never really have felt it. And I don't think I'm especially graceful on ice, either, but at least I think it. Grace--and beauty, that comes with grace. The ice, the shine, the night, the happiness, it shows through. I like it. I think I like the freedom of it. Perhaps it's the closest to flying I can easily get. It would be amazing to fly. But hey, I'm content to stick with swimming and skating, gliding and turning and speeding. Eventually you get tired, but that just means that after you get out, or off, you have another chance to get in again. I think that's a dream of mine: To fly and fly and spin and twist and be the ice, be the water, more often. Ice isn't cold and unfriendly, it's welcoming, supporting, lifting, graceful.

Title Quote: Ill Willed Person, Jaymay

Well if you want to say yes, say yes

Well isn't this strange. Isn't the world strange. Isn't strange strange? I feel like there a million thoughts zooming through my head, each trying desperately to find a hole, a way out: through my ears, perhaps. And I seem to have let my guard down, and they keep on escaping, and then who knows where they go. Once they're out, I can't keep track of them. Maybe they find some with a less cluttered brain, maybe someone who's better at organizing their thoughts, and settle in, and talk to them instead. I don't know.

Sometimes, I feel as if there's an epiphany coming on, sometimes I feel as if it's happening this very moment, that I'm on the verge of a breakthrough, on the verge of understanding... something. And then I lose it. I think to hard, or someone interrupts me, and then there I go again. I'm back in the dirt where I started again, blindly searching for the glasses I need to find them. How can I search for my glasses if I need my glasses to search for them? This is all metaphorical, mind you. It's like trying to see something up close and in depth, but from the corner of your eye. If you look straight at it, it disappears. Like those, what do you call them, (google informs me they're called stereograms) where you have to unfocus to see the picture? I feel like these great ideas, these great understandings, if you will, are continually flitting in and away. Does anyone else ever get like that? My brain just plain hurts. (you can tell because I'm using waay to many italicized words.)

You what my situation is? It's like this: I need two very sharp pencils do what I want, and all I have is one small dull one. But sometimes it's not the pencil, is it? Sometimes it's the hand that's wielding it.

Title Quote: Cat Sevens, If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out