Head full of candy bags Costume shops and punks in drag

I want to talk about Halloween. You know it was originally that on October 31, the spirits of the dead came back, and people wore costumes to disguise themselves against the harmful spirits. Now, it's just an excuse for little kids to dress up as fairies or princesses or ghosts or characters from movies--or an excuse for the older crowd to have huge parties. And don't get me wrong. I rather like dressing up, assuming another identity, and I am not at all against this. But isn't it ironic that barely anyone ever dresses up as something scary any longer? And if they do, it's usually a mask or store-bought costume that some company tells them is the definition of scary. This is what I'm being for Halloween: A zombie goth ragdoll.

The picture is something storebought, I know, but it's only my inspiration. I spent about an hour and a half weaving my hair with black and red yarn, to create a stunning effect, and put together a bunch of clothes (fishnets, yay!) and finally modeled my makeup on the picture, and was so incredibly happy with the result. I love halloween and dressing up, but I'm also a procrastinator, so I usually never actually get around t being much more than a witch. (been that like seven times.) Remember I was love last year? The blog had only just started, huh? Wow that's some bad writing from back then. Anyway, I feel accomplished.

But back to actual halloween. Did you know that the word come from All Hallow's Evening, that was shortened to even, which was then e'en, which is halloween. Cool, huh? I think that everyone should dress up on Halloween, but also that everyone who dresses up should have to make their own costume. You go to school or enter a competition, and the costume that wins is never the mask or storebought, packaged idea. It's the one which looks homemade yet still very very cool. It makes everyone happier to make it themselves, that's what I think. And why do so many people dress up? Because no matter how "dorky" some people might proclaim it, it's so fun and refreshing to dress up as someone else, something else. to be able to shed your own skin and personality, and by hiding behind a mask you come out as someone different. By hiding, you can show a different part of yourself that You wouldn't normally. And I think somany people want and desperately need that. To be, for one night, ghouly and creepy and scary and screamy--That's what the world needs, they need sometime to just scream out loud, to let it all out. I don't know if I mentioned it before, but one of my favorite parts of the Marriage Equality Rally was being able to just let it all out. People around me chanted and screamed and yelled and cheered and I just opened my mouth and cheered as loud as I could, and I felt as if I had blown dust from the depths of my lungs, as if that last old bit of air had finally been cleared, and I could feel the old dirty empty spaces filling with joy, happiness, unity, peace. We all just need time to express ourselves in the most animal of ways. Happy Halloween, everyone.

Title Quote: Ryan Adams, Halloweenhead

So I'm going to buy a gun and start a war If you can tell me something worth fighting for

I guess I don't have a lot to say right now. I guess I'm being pushed so hard in school, with high school applications, with test prep and art portfolio, that I don't have a lot of time to sit and think about things and write about them. I don't have enough time to be philosophical. But I do have a bunch of cool and/or beautiful things other people have done/made. I'm not posting them. I'm just going to wait. Wait until it's all over, until it's all out of the way, and I have time to sit and think my little head off. Then, who knows? Posts may be flying from my fingertips.

I did have a dream last night: In it, I was in a pool in London, on a floaty pool thing, that I was navigating as a raft. My guide person was standing by the edge, directing me where to go. As I passed by parts (it was a very big pool), I would see baby animals, sitting by the edge or in the water. I kept pointing them out, because they were so cute, but the thing is, all the baby animals were predators. I kept trying to navigate away from them, but the current was strong and I bumped into a baby alligator. I made my way to the edge of the pool, relieved that the alligator hadn't retaliated. But there it was, smiling cutely and swishing its tail. It stuck its head over mine, its jaws pushing into my neck. I could feel it, but it wasn't painful, nor was I scared (this often happens to me in my dreams). But I was in danger, and I knew that. Soon enough, a man with a British accent pulled it off, and then some other things happened, not relevant to this story. After telling this to my father, he told me he thought it was about boys: They may be cute and all, but they're dangerous. I laughed out loud. I didn't think it was. But maybe? I don't know, can't say for sure. Brain, what are you trying to tell me?

Title Quote:Coldplay, a Rush of Blood to the Head

the dust has only just begun to form crop circles in the carpet

This is the Russian Birthday song, or Crocodile Gena's song.

What's so funny is what the song means:

So what if pedestrians run
clumsily through puddles
and water is flowing along the asphalt like a river.
It's unclear to the passers-by
On this horrible day
Why I am so happy.

I am playing the accordion.
In front of the passers-by
Unfortunately, my birthday
Is only once a year.

and it goes on to tell us about there being eskimos and other weird things, but I couldn't find the rest of the translation.

Here's the phonetic version of the Russian, for anyone who wants to sing it instead of our boring happy

birthday at their next party.

Poost begoot neooklyooshl
Peshehodee po loosham
Ee voda po asfaltoo rekoi
Ee neyasno prohosheem
V etot dyen nepogoshee
pochemoo ya vesyelee takoi

Chorus: sing twice
Ee ya eegrayoo na garmoshkye
Oo prohosh na veedoo
K soshaleneeyoo dyen roshdneeya
Tolko raz v godoo

Hope you enjoyed!

Title Quote: Imogen Heap, Hide and Seek

Times Square can't shine as bright as you, I swear it's true

I believe I have only really talked about the subway once, but now I have another subway story to tell. It will probably sound hilarious, but I can tell you, it was pretty terrifying.

This happened about a week ago.

Every night, when I go to sleep, I usually have some sort of monologue or something in my head, I just talk out one subject to myself. The night before my train story, for no particular reason, I decided that before I went to sleep I would imagine the worst thing that could happen on a train to me. The next morning, I walk to the train station, a get on a train. My brother is on the other side of the car, in front of a man who I soon find is is a wino, drunkly slurring his words so all I can make out is "Armageddon" and "Jews". He's the typical broke wino: tall, disheveled, almost dredded hair, african american, not too many teeth, from the look of it. I relax, and settle in for the typical train ride. Then halfway between the stop I got on and the next one, the train stops. And sits there. And doesn't tell us why. Uh-oh, I think. This is the first part of my worst thing could happen on the train fantasy. Now I'm not claustrophobic, usually. But, when I'm inside a small metal box filled with people underground and there's no light outside and I know there's no way out and it stops, and no one tell me WHY, I get freaked out.

But I bided my time, told myself to relax. The wino gets louder. I get jumpier. I want to go to my brother, listen to his ipod (music will soothe me) or read the newspaper he's holding. But he's standing in front of the wino. a few excruciating minutes later, I make my way over and convince him to move to the other side of the car. By now, another man has emerged from the crowd: The crazy old man. He looks classic upper west side Jew, but I don't want to be racist, so I'll just say he's white, old, and grumpy. But I think he was Jewish, and might have been incensed by the wino's rant. Now the crazy old guy starts muttering, and then bursts out "Goddamn it!" then quiets down. The train laughs nervously. The wino continues talking. The train stays put, with no explanation. The crazy old man continues to burst out, at frequenter and frequenter paces, "Goddamn it! Shut up! Shut UP!" But he says goddamn like GODdamnit (the damnit bit very fast and sharp, the god punctuated heavily). He finally lapses into a tirade against the wino, who finally turns his attention to him, as he shouts "Goddamn it! God put me on this train today as a test, just SHUT UP!" The high schoolers on their way to school begin urging on the wino, and applauding at his drunk responses. At one point, a man in a business suit and briefcase remarks "This is better than coffee!".

The train PA system finally announces that we will be held here for as much time is needed for the train ahead of us to leave, since its doors would not close nor open (they were just banging against each other, or so said a fellow blogger, Melli, who was on the train). The crazy old man screams "You a**hole!", and the and the wino replies "I'm not an a**hole, YOU're an a**hole. You know what you should do? You should go outside, lay an egg in the dirt, and then eat it!" He nods proudly, and the teenagers applaud. I laugh out of fear and hysteria. The worst subway train. Stuck in a tunnel with two crazy guys. I'm about to crack. Luckily, the train finally moves, it having been about 15 minutes of this, the two men bickering incorherently to each other the whole while.

I get out, meaning to just change cars, but the literal wall of people waiting for a train are so many I can't get back on. My brother stays on, smushed next to the crazy guy, and I resolve to wait for a another train, that comes immediately after my old one leaves. Now here's the weird part (as if all this hasn't been weird, right?). I get on this train, and breathe a sigh of relief for its seeming normalcy. The woman sitting in front of me looks up at my sigh, closes her eyes, and then begins to cry, a tear sliding down her cheek. Shaken by this, I look away, and my gaze settles on a woman standing by the door. In her twenties, with heavy makeup and creamy olive honey skin, she is tragically beautiful. Why tragic? Because, unnervingly, she, too, is crying, tears dripping from her nose, as she stares at her reflection in the window and tries to fix her makeup. I want to help her, but I can't. And frankly, this is ridiculous. these two women right next to me, just crying! And they don't know each other, either. They are just crying, for completely separate and unknown reasons. Incredibly shaken from my train rides, I finally get off at my stop, and proceed to school, for a following incredibly normal day.

Sounds almost funny, right? Wrong. Just so, so crazy.

Title Quote: The Plain White T's, Hey There Delilah

and a very funny piece by bill cosby about just this sort of thing.

Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue.

So yesterday, I went on the marriage equality march in Washington DC. It started with the bus. No, it started before the bus. It started at 4:30 AM, which was when I woke up and left the house to get to the buses. It was still dark outside, and we made our way up to 43rd street sleepily. It was cold, and we were freezing. I was going to DC on a bus with 50 people, most of them gay. I went along with The wizardress and flower and a friend from school, Clara. We finally all got on the bus with loads of banana bread and shirts for everyone that said the name of the group we were marching for: broadway impact, at 5:30 AM. We settled in, because the trip from NYC to DC would take about 5 and a half hours.

Clara promptly fell asleep, and did not fully wake up until about 10 o' clock. The bus ride was fairly uneventful until the ending, as we neared Washington. Everyone on the bus introduced themselves, and let me tell you, I met some pretty cool people! And then, Gavin Creel, the amazing lead actor of the musical Hair on broadway, called us. He was on the hair cast's bus, who had taken the day off to march (the cast is filled with gays and activists). So Gavin Creel called and spoke to all of us on speakerphone, and though we couldn't hear him so well, it was totally awesome! (please excuse my annoying fan-ness, it doesn't happen often.) Then we got outside, and took the metro (very clean, fast, efficient, and even has padded seats!) tot he starting point of the march. We had with us two signs, one that said love is he law, and the other that said we were part of Cynthia Nixon's team from broadway impact (we were.)

We stopped to collect ourselves before the march began, and my three friends and I stood on a low wall while the rest of the group stood in front of it for a picture. Apparently, though we didn't know it, a camera crew for some news show was interviewing someone, and in the background and then zoomed up, us four girls appeared. My father says he got a message halfway through the day from his friend that, weirdly enough, he was sure he had seen his daughter (me) standing and holding a sign in Washington DC. So there I was, on tv. We began marching, and as our group approached, the people all applauded and let us and Cynthia (Nixon) pass through. I knew I was making a difference, I knew tha by being here and adding one more number to the crowd, I was helping make history. We broke out marching and waving signs and chant and screaming, and I screamed as loud as I could, I chanted each slogan at the top of my lungs (my favorite was "Yo! Obama! Let Mama marry Mama!"). Looking up at the sky, we found a beautiful gift: There, shining over all of our heads and rainbow flags, was, amazingly enough, a rainbow. Now you may not believe me, but I swear it was there, a rainbow for the rainbows.

You can see in the above picture how many people there were. There were so many people it just fades out and away past the horizon line. There was an estimated 200,000 of us. We all (or as many as could fit) finally finished the 2.3 mile walk and piled onto the lawn in front of the Capitol building. Hot and sweaty from the unseasonably summery weather, we took out our food and sat down to listen to all the speeches. My favorites were Cynthia Nixon's , Cleve Jones's, and Staceyann Chin's . We lay there in the grass and exalted in our combined strengths, our unity. I felt strong, I felt able to make a difference, I felt good.

Around 5:30, we left, and on leaving, I took this beautiful picture of two girls sharing a moment over the Capitol.

There had been a woman who, for about three hours straight, stood on the lawn and held her peace rainbow flag and waved it back and forth. FOR THREE HOURS. And this flag was pretty large, on a large bark stick. I mean, seriously, she had some muscles.

The Capitol was full of people, even as we straggled out, took the metro to our buses, and sat and enjoyed pizza from a delivery man. We then boarded the bus again and prepared for the long trip home.

On that ride home, we so totally watched a bunch of Judy Garland. So very typically gay, one of the stereotypes that seems to be oh so very true. Clara yet again fell into a deep deep sleep and no one could wake her. I myself stayed up until we reached dear sweet home NYC, at 11:30 PM. I went home and buried myself under my sheets and woke at 8:30 that morning, late for me. And then I had pancakes and told my family my story, as I am telling you.

There are close to a bajillion pictures on Flickr of this, here. Try to find us in it.

Here is the Marriage Equality Website

Here is the Flickr

Title Quote: Somewhere Over the Rainbow

One of these days the sky's gonna break and everything will escape and I'll know

I forgot to write about one very important part of the day from the previous post. It was this: walking on chocolate cake. As we walked through the garden in our happy bare feet, we came to tree, recently covered by compost and rich dirt, and slightly damp from the recent rain. we trampled it happily, exclaiming "it tastes like chocolate cake!" and it did. We didn't eat it, of course, but if you closed your eyes and imagined there were tongues on your feet, you knew that the texture of the dirt was chocolate cake. Or pie. Either way. I felt full when I was done feeling the warm, moist soft dirt rich with earth smell and slightly enveloping my feet, caressing them. If you had been watching from afar, you would have seen about 6 girls, with looks of bliss on their faces, as they walked carefully around and around and around a tree.

That is all.

Now check out these great pictures I got of some of the leaves in the park! Fall has fallen.

Title Quote: Civil Twilight, Letters from the Sky

THIS SONG IS FREE IN ITUNES RIGHT NOW. MAKE HASTE AND GET IT BEFORE IT GOES!

A dreamer of pictures I run in the night You see us together, chasing the moonlight

Yesterday, I, along with flower, the wizardress, bean, melli, and Sydni, went to the Storm King sculpture garden. It was amazing. We spent the day wandering in and among sculptures, eating chocolate cake, and running barefoot through the wet grass, screaming and laughing. We rode up and down on a glass elevator outside in the middle of the grounds, and the minute we got up we would press the down button again, watching as the earth rose and fell below and above us. We found these fruits we named bubbly fruits, that smelled like citrusmint eucalyptus, and were round and hard and greenish yellow. We made everyone around us laugh and bean spilled a lot of stuff, including, cheese, soda, milk, hot chocolate, and anything else near her.

It

was very funny.

There was one moment where we began to run down a hill and the speed propelled us up another and down another and soon we realized we couldn't stop and out legs just kept windmilling and we veered to the side and I thought I would fall over but instead I finally skip hopped to a stop. And I thought it was so interesting about how momentum works, and how the moment you start gaining it, it gets near impossible to lose it, with propelling backwards, which is impossible, since you can't stop in the first place.

The day was a smile.

Lola

Title Quote: Neil Young, Cinnamon Girl

Dressed in silk, latin, lace and envy

I don't really know what to write, but I do know I should write something, being as I have so many thoughts in my head. Most of it is teen angst, I grant, and stress about high schools. It's all about what school you're going to, what future you'll choose. If you don't go to the right one you may not get the right life. So don't screw it up. But no pressure, or anything. So I'm not sure how much time I'll be able to devote to this blog, but when I can, I will. It is my online diary, the place where I can deceive myself into thinking people are listening, so I don't have to annoy the people around me with boring thoughts or stories or websites.

I am lying on my bed now thinking about the boy outside my window. I talked about him in this post. Well, he's still playing music on that guitar of his. When I get home from school, at around 4, there he is, and when I go to turn my lights off around 9:30-10:00, he's playing there still. Over the summer, he opened his window to let in cool air, as did I. Some of the nights, I could hear his music drift in. Not especially good, but I admire so much his determination and drive to practice EVERY night. It's one thing that I am almost incapable of doing. So I watch him from my window, and strain to listen when I can. He sees me, I'm sure, but I don't know how much he cares. Anonymity can make everyone so much bolder. And another thing.

He has a sibling, in the next window, who plays drums.

Title Quote: Velvet Underground, Lady Godiva's Operation

She wrapped her raven rings around my line

some cool artists I want to point out:

YULIA BRODSKAYA

does what she calls "Papergraphics". Beautiful typography made from colorful whorls of paper. Here are the favorites that I could get.

tree

unify

city

love you

then there's RAKKA

who did a set of one artpiece a day for a year, and has finally finished. Each piece is done with traditionally non-art materials that pertain to the subject being created. The beginning ones are the best, but feel free to check out the rest. It's called SUSPECT AND FUGITIVE.

morton salt girl made from morton salt

arm and hammer from arm and hammer baking soda

clorox logo bleached into fabric by clorox

splenda logo made from splenda

and lastly, BUFFdiss,

an artist who does street art out of masking tape. here are his two sites:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/buffdiss/

http://www.thisblogrules.com/2009/08/street-art-made-with-masking-tape.html

and here is his best ones (in my opinion):

Title Quote: Elysian Fields, Rope of Weeds

I wanna write her name in the sky I want to free fall out into nothin'

Ok.

Bananas.

Banana art.

Art on bananas.

Pschyed yet?

'Cause I think that's pretty freakin' awesome!

I just love random things like this. . .

Very possibly because this is the sort of thing I would do if I had the time and bananas.

Unfortunately, I eat the bananas instead and spend my free time living (and writing this blog).

But none of that matters, because guess what?

I have pictures of the artsy fartsy BANANAS!

Intrigued? Here are moar!

Title Quote: Free Falling, Tom Petty (John Mayer covers this ver.)

They will lead you home Cause there was never anywhere to go

Behind the Glass (train)

Pulling out of the station

I see each painted face

petulant, expectant, grimacing

joy,

perhaps.

then a blur

each face belongs to

everyone

we reach the tunnel

enshrouded by the

darkness of anonymity

our window turns

opaque, and my reflection

stares back at me.

I smile reassuringly at her

she smiles back

behind the glass.

Through wordless

nudge-grunts

my brothers make sure

I know it's our stop;

we are leaving.

I see that

they care

though they isolate their

conversations, boyspeak

one's hand grips

an edge of the door

to hold it open if

they began to close

lest they separate

us 3.

I step from

the metal box into

a concrete labyrinth

we hurry

and I write this poem

in the back of my head

on the

way

to school.

Title Quote: Ryan Adams, Follow the Lights

They were flying Mother Nature's Silver seed to a new home in the sun

Look at the picture above. Look closer. Which do you see first, You, or Me? I feel like maybe that can tell a lot about you. Isn't it interesting how that sort of thing works? I think sometimes the world is like these little optical illusions. Of course, in the literal sense, there are people who see Me instead of You first, many many people in the world. And perhaps that is an unfortunate thing, though I do not deny I often see the Me before the You myself. I just often try to reconsider everything before choosing. But also, in the not so straightforward sense, the world seems to be full of optical illusions, not just this one. Except they're not all optical, they're just illusions. And they trick people all the time.

Unfortunately, so often those illusions that are tricking people are set up by other people, who want to trick them, because they see Me before You. I encourage yo all to look at both sides and see Me as well as You in all the situations.

And here's another one. Evil, right? But wait, what to the black lines spell out?. . . Good! I don't think this one is so much seeing evil before good, but more that evil and good are enmeshed in one another, like a yin-yang. I think that you have to be wary because sometimes in the middle of something surrounded by good, sits evil. But then again, what really is good and evil, what's the actual difference?

Title Quote: After the Gold Rush, Neil Young

I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills

Feria de Ceniza

Title Quote: Fleetwood Mac, Landslide

It must be bursting with secrets within

Ok, so here is the Spearmint Tea Conspiracy (STC) that I mentioned a little while back.

My father loves spearmint tea, and really really dislikes peppermint. So why is it, then, that they only sell peppermint tea in grocery stores????? We have searched everywhere, local grocery stores, Fairway (where we found maybe one or two boxes in the gazillion trips we've taken), and Whole Foods, to (mostly) no avail. At Whole foods we found four boxes, which my father promptly took and SOLD OUT THE WHOLE WHOLE FOODS OF SPEARMINT TEA. there is something seriously wrong with that sentence. This is my question to the world: Where are you hiding the spearmint tea?????? I made some teabags full of spearmint for him at camp, but that will brew four or five cups. Somebody please tell me why our world can allow Bernie Madoff to embezzle billions, but we can't have a decent supply of spearmint tea? Anyone? This is outrageous! I mean really.

To any local spearmint tea growers reading this blog (you never know) MAKE SOME TEA FOR THE CITY! How long with this go on for? I feel my father's pain...

Where is mah spearmint tea????

p.s. and guess what? I was looking for pictures of spearmint tea boxes and could find barely any! look up spearmint tea images and see for yourself! It's a conspiracy I tell you! But I did find out that drinking it a lot can make women grow less facial hair... (how weird is that?)

title quote: Suzanne Vega, My Favorite Plum

it says "sometimes whispering's okay, but maybe you'd feel better if you screamed today"

I sware that I woke up this morning, and before I had fully opened my eyes, I felt this yearning. I was in Connecticut, and it was 6:00 AM. I was barely awake and I just really had that yearning feeling for warmth, for love, for my father, who was asleep downstairs.

And I don't believe in a god or divine force, nor do I believe in destiny, and as much as I'd like to believe in karma, I don't think it works that easily. But I do believe the people can communicate with animals or other humans they're close with, without saying a word or moving an inch or even opening their eyes. I love it when everyone wakes up in the same mood as if the mood's essence was swirling around each room and inserting itself into everyone.

So I woke this morning with a yearning, and Tigger, the cat, came right over and settled herself on my stomach, purring, her purrs rolling of her and through my whole body. I felt full of sadness and love and then I looked outside and it was very gray and everything was bathed in a gray light but everything was so sharply clear, too. Then I realized it was september 11th. Our eighth year since. How could it have been so long ago? How could so many years have gone past yet there be such hurt still there in the wounds of every American?

I was just a little kid back then, and I remember my parents coming to pick my brothers and I up from school and we had to walk about 3 miles home, on our tiny little kid feet. I remember it was sunny and hot that day, and when we got home we had ice cream for being such good kids during a crisis, even though we really had no comprehension of what was happening. In my memories, the day looked as though viewed through a lemon iced tea colored window. Things were slightly warped, and everything was so yellow and hazy. I thought that today, in all it's gloomy clearness, was the perfect day for 9/11.

I now know what It feels like for all the family and friends of those lost in the towers. I know how it is to wake up on this day and be reminded of such terrible losses. I feel such pain for you today, and my thoughts go out to you, the survivors and the victim's family. PLease be well and comforted by other's compassion.

Title Quote: Kimya Dawson, Lullaby for the Taken